


gregnant

by smallredboy



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Crack, Gen, Mpreg, This is DUMB
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-12 03:24:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20142472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallredboy/pseuds/smallredboy
Summary: Can u get pregante...?





	gregnant

**Author's Note:**

> i cannot stress enough how absolutely stupid this fic is.
> 
> idk how you havent seen the video but if you havent [heres](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EShUeudtaFg) where the title + summary came from.
> 
> also, a fill for trope bingo w/ the square "case fic". which it fills very very loosely
> 
> enjoy?

“We need to figure out what’s going on with House,” Chase says.

Cameron raises a brow. “What’s going on with him? I don’t see anything different. He’s still hot and sexy and troubled and ah, I wish he could just make love to me under the moonlight...” She sighs dreamily.

Chase pretends he didn’t hear all of that, only catching the first three words of the last sentence of Cameron’s. “Well, yes, he is hot, which is why I take every one of his behaviors and write them down.” Foreman stares at him. “You know, as you do. And I have a list of possible symptoms to take something out of.”

Foreman shrugs. House isn’t there yet, anyway. “Go for it, then.”

_ Even grumpier, seeming nausea, bloating(weight gain?), seemingly more clingy towards Wilson _

“The first and last one aren’t really symptoms,” Cameron points out.

“House has made happiness a symptom. Your point?”

Cameron looks at him and tilts her head. “Fair enough.”

“So,” Chase says, tapping his foot against the floor. “Any ideas?”

“Maybe he just has the flu or something,” Cameron says, before being shut down by The Men™.

“If he was sick with something simple he would’ve told us,” Foreman says, rolling his eyes a little. “He might just be doing this to distract us, to confuse us. Even if only Chase noticed it.”

“He wouldn’t go as far as to fake bloating, would he?” Chase says.

“He would,” Cameron and Foreman both say at once.

He curses. “Yeah, you’re both right. So, anyway— we’re out of guesses, aren’t we?”

“Yep,” the Woman™ agrees. “And we can’t exactly run tests on him.”

“We’ll have to improvise.”

* * *

Wilson is, as always, a step ahead of them.

“House, I noticed something was off and I tested your piss.”

“How did you—?” 

“How did I get your piss? Good question.”

“You’re supposed to answer, jackass.”

“Well, I won’t.” Wilson tilts his head at him. “I checked your hormone levels just because. And your estrogen is way too fucking high. Are you—?”

“I’m not intersex, Wilson.”

“No,” Wilson tells him. “You’re fucking pregnant.”

“What do you mean he’s fucking pregnant?!” Chase exclaims, busting through the door he was eavesdropping by.

“It’s the last of cutting-edge technology,” House drawls.

“You wouldn’t get an uterus in you even if it was medically possible,” Chase shoots back.

“Well, I didn’t. Still. There’s a baby.”

Wilson presses, “From  _ whom _ ?”

House looks at him as if he’s explaining something obvious to a four-year-old. 

“Cuddy, duh. Have you  _ seen  _ her strap game?”


End file.
